Sunday, March 27, 2011

japanese, highest, Prostitute, Order, Queen, JAPAN'S, OIRAN
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Some cool sex with mother images:

OIRAN -- The Highest Order of Japanese Prostitute (1) JAPAN'S QUEEN OF SEX

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Image by Okinawa Soba (On the Road for a While)

Well, here she is.

English translators often describe her by using the relatively polite word "Courtesan", which in the case of a Japanese OIRAN or TAYUU, is actually a meaningless euphemism for only one thing : "DAMN EXPENSIVE PROSTITUTE".

I repeat : The Western term "Courtesan" is a highly inaccurate job description for these high-octane Yoshiwara Girls, and so-called translators that call her that should be stripped of their certificates.

The above is one of two old photos I've posted [with the exact same caption] to give a general idea of what an Oiran looks like.....so you can spot them in other old photos (or trespassing on your front lawn), and NOT CONFUSE THEM WITH A GEISHA. A Geisha would go ballistic if you confused her with an OIRAN.


THE HUMAN HEAD AS A PIN CUSHION FOR TENT STAKES AND LIGHTNING RODS

The quickest way to tell if a girl is an OIRAN (or a TAYUU, which is the same damn thing, only she works down in Kyoto) is to check out what her hair-dresser did to her...as in the photo above.

You will immediately notice an accumulation of shoe-horns, knitting needles, dousing rods, back-scratchers, Bagpipes, chopsticks, scrap lumber, railroad spikes, Lincoln Logs, pipe cleaners, kitchen spatulas, and chunks of old roof shingles poking out from her hair in every direction --- like gear shifts on a Mack Truck or a Backhoe.

Here's another one just like her : www.flickr.com/photos/24443965@N08/2334556386/in/set-7215...

However, my above photo is relatively tame compared this photo showing one of these prostitutes walking around with an entire not-yet-assembled bedroom set on top of her head.... believed to be from an IKEA store near Tokyo :

www.flickr.com/photos/36560798@N02/3379474081/


SO, WHAT DID IT ALL MEAN ???

Like stars on a General's uniform, this Crown of Scrap Lumber (which doubled as a Hat Rack for her syphilitic customers) was a sign of her high rank.....AND her popularity with men.

Satisfied repeat customers were off the scale and kept her busy doing what she did best : Giving a "cultural" five-minute song-and-dance act, followed by some witty, though completely useless conversation --- before finally shutting up and giving him a blow job (or whatever else he wanted that his wife or mistress refused to do).

Woo Hoo !


SOUVENIRS OF ECSTASY

New customers of any means had to wait their turn to find out what all the buzz was about.

But, try any fancy moves she didn't like, and she just might pull one of those shish-ka-bob spears out of her hair, and run you through ! --- or worse, give you an incurable STD as a souvenir of your time with her.

How exciting. (One Japanese doctor during the Meiji-era estimated that 80% of the men he observed in a public bath house had some visible form of VD. Penicillin eventually came along to help clean up the situation to some controllable degree).


NICOLA TESLA

Rumor has it that virtually every invention born from the genius of electrical engineer, Nicola Tesla were actually based on schematics designed around the placement of the Orian's hair ornaments --- supposedly observed by Tesla on one of his many unrecorded (and still undocumented) trips to Japan during the latter part of the 19th Century.

Upon seeing an Oiran walking on a pair of those 18-inch-high "insulator shoes" suddenly get caught in a thunderstorm, yet remain unhurt after a huge bolt of high-frequency lightning struck her "antenna array" hair-do --- only to proceed to ground over the surface of her wet, silk kimono in a burst of hissing steam --- Tesla cried out, "Holy Mother of God ! ..... The Universe is mine !".

After buying a huge stack of Oiran and Tayuu woodblock prints for further study, he hopped on the next steamer back to America, and the rest is Nobel Prize-winning History.


OTHER POSSIBILITIES....AND A TRAVEL ADVISORY

Speaking of Antenna Arrays, I have no doubt that if this Queen of Sex was alive today, her hair-pins would probably pick up AM, FM, VHF, UHF, Digital HDTV...and possibly a Short Wave Radio chat from some Ham operator in New Zealand.

She would also do well to avoid a visit to Pennsylvania or Minnesota during dear hunting season. All it would take is two or three beers for shot-gun totin' Cleetus or Billy-Bob to confuse her with a 12-point Buck sporting a great rack of antlers.



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BONUS LINKS

Do you like old Stereoviews ? See a 3-D OIRAN here !!! www.flickr.com/photos/24443965@N08/2474742195/

What ? You don't like my mocking spoof of Japan's culture of over-rated prostitutes and prostitution, and you want some more SERIOUS commentary about these girls who were sold into this profession as children ? OK. See this photo : www.flickr.com/photos/24443965@N08/2701588987/


FOR THE ENTIRE FAMILY

For a modern-day, popular family festival that was once popular with prostitutes here in Japan, please go here and be enlightened --- making sure you scroll down through all the pics showing families and children having a good time : babibubebo.com/2008/04/07/kanamara-matsuri-festival-of-th...

Finally, for a short-but-dubious history of the JAPANESE KIMONO, please see THIS flickr pic : www.flickr.com/photos/24443965@N08/2347140752/


Ca. 1870s-80s photo from the Tom Burnett Collection. Used by Permission.



RANDOM SOBA : www.flickriver.com/photos/24443965@N08/random/

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